


And I'll Try Not To Sing Out Of Key

by Memories_of_the_Shadows



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Allergies, Arishok Sten (Dragon Age), Attempt at Humor, Bull Is A Messenger Boy, Gen, Gift Giving, Headcanon, In-Jokes, Male-Female Friendship, Note-passing, Passive-aggression, The Author Regrets Nothing, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memories_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Memories_of_the_Shadows
Summary: Leliana and Sten are the type of friends who require a go-between.  Bull just so happens to get voluntold.
Relationships: Leliana & Sten, The Iron Bull & Leliana (Dragon Age)
Kudos: 12





	And I'll Try Not To Sing Out Of Key

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "With A Little Help From My Friends" by the Beatles.
> 
> I do not consent to my work being hosted on any unofficial apps, especially any with ad revenue and subscription services, or any website other than ao3 unless I personally cross-posted a work.

Bull has probably been away from Par Vollan for too long. This note makes no sense at all.

 _‘Hissrad, tell the spymaster her gift was appreciated but the attempted assassination was unneccessary. Arishok.’_ Gift? What gift? What _assassination_? Wouldn’t he have heard of an assassination plot?

Well, he supposes, no he wouldn’t. Leliana is hardly the chatty type--not like the newly named Inquisitor, though she is a darling, her and Cassandra will be very cute together when they finally fess up to each other--and she’s certainly good enough to realize that Bull would send word back if she told him. But why would she try to assassinate the Arishok, and risk war?

Nothing for it, then. Speculation only gets him a headache, and he has a message to deliver.

Leliana is at her desk, bent over a letter that she covers when he approaches. It’s a smooth motion, likely something she would do even if he were Cullen or Josephine. Bull likes that about her. Leliana is almost as consistent as any Ben-Hassrath.

“Message for you,” he says, just handing the note over. It contains nothing but that order, and Bull looked it over with all the codes he knew and had access to.

Her eyes flick over it and she hands it back, a small, incongruous smile on her lips. “Ah, thank you, Iron Bull. Please tell the Arishok that assassination was not the intent and it is his own fault for not revealing that he is allergic to cherries.”

“Right,” he says, fighting the urge to ask what this is all about, and trying not to cringe at knowing the Arishok’s allergies. Some secrets he just doesn’t want to know. “Well. Good talk.”

Leliana pats his hand and gives him a cookie like he’s seen some of the humans do with their children when they’re telling them to go in not that many words. She would make almost as good a Tamassran as Ma’am.

The cookie is really good. Easily best part of not living in Par Vollan, the cookies.

* * *

_‘Hissrad, tell the spymaster that my allergies are none of her concern, and that if she did not know them when she sent the gift that she is less capable than I thought she was. Also, thank her for the gift. The subject is pointless, but the mastery it shows admirable. Arishok.’_

Honestly, Bull could have gone a long time without receiving a direct message from the Arishok. An even longer one without being used as a messenger boy between the two factions that seem determined to win his loyalty.

This time, Leliana laughs when Bull gives her the note.

“If they are none of my concern, then how should I have known them?” she asks, winking at Bull, who is definitely not in on whatever joke she thinks this is. He definitely gets the feeling that he is missing rather a lot more than he is used to missing.

“I’m sure that he appreciates the gesture,” Bull says, lying through his teeth. This Arishok is well-known for his disdain of trivialities, and this entire thing is feeling more and more trivial. Leliana snorts then covers her mouth with her hand. Bull stares.

“Please, tell him my earlier question, and do draw a butterfly on it. You can tell him I asked you to do that.” Bull doesn’t like this. Likes being left out of the loop when he’s the knot even less.

“Okay.” He thinks about asking why she just doesn’t send a message herself, but then he thinks better of it. It’s one thing for _Bull_ to get many letters from the Arishok, it’s entirely another for the Inquisition’s spymaster, former Left Hand of the Divine in Val Royeaux, to get many letters from the Arishok.

And if he feels really stupid drawing a butterfly on a report to one of the leaders of the Qun, well, he’s pretty sure none of the three people who will know about it will tell anyone he did that.

* * *

_‘Hissrad, parshaara. Tell the spymaster that Kadan made everyone promise not to talk about that, does she have no honor? Also, the Qun is willing to consider an alliance with the Inquisition, provided the Inquisitor meets another Ben-Hassrath and performs a task for us. Details to follow in regular report. Arishok.’_

Bull is not sure at all what brought this on. It’s a good thing, of course it is, good for the Inquisition, and good for the Qun.

It still sends a chill down his spine, for no good reason.

Maybe Krem’s right, maybe he does need to put on a shirt.

Still, it doesn’t help anything when instead of the mischievousness Bull has come to expect from Leliana while delivering these messages, she is solemn and serious, not even reacting to the first part of the message.

Instead, they plot and plan, until they work out exactly how they’ll approach this with the other advisors and the Inquisitor.

It’s a good thing.

* * *

It’s not a good thing.

Tal-Va-Fucking-Shoth.

And it’s only salt in the open, poisoned wound when the Arishok turns up at Skyhold with an entire battalion of the antaam and no warning.

The Arishok waits outside the gates while the Inquisitor argues with Cullen and Josephine about who, what, and why while Leliana patiently referees. Bull watches from the battlements, fully aware that the Arishok and his Qunari know he’s there, but they ignore him even though he deserves an arrow to the heart. He’s a mad, unleashed beast, and no one seems to see it.

At least Krem and the others are alive. The only good thing to come out of this mess.

Wrapped in fur against the weather, the Arishok seems strange compared to Bull’s idea of him. He’d known that he was hornless, one meant for great things, but he’s also shorter than Bull would have thought.

Smarter, too, outside of Skyhold going without weather protection courts losing fingers and limbs. Some of the antaam look like they’re shivering, they probably don’t even realize it. Others seem to have followed the Arishok’s example, with a motley assortment of furs and heavy capes.

Qunari dress, even their armor, does not lend itself well to the far South’s dismal cold. Iron Bull only pushes through it because he’s used to it.

He’s been away from balmy and warm Par Vollan, away from humid and sticky Seheron, for years. And now he can never go back.

It seems that Leliana managed to win an argument she wasn’t even fighting, because it’s her that finally steps out of the gate and greets the Arishok, Bull thinks she’s probably got that same smile on that she would wear whenever he would bring her another message from the Arishok.

“Spymaster,” the Arishok says in response to her welcome. “Do you find yourself as irritated by these recent developments as I? Or do you agree that now--when this Blight creature threatens the world--is the proper time for games?”

Bull almost winces. That sounds very close to a condemnation of Leliana’s probable teasing, and he allowed it, enabled it, and therefore he’s just as guilty as she is. More, even, because he should have known better.

Leliana simply shrugs. “I admit to being disappointed that the offer the Ariqun extended was not genuine and was instead a test of a spy, but the Qun has never had to deal with a Blight--which we all should be thankful for--and holds no love for the rest of Thedas. Corypheus may not be an archdemon, but he can command those Tainted just the same.”

“Yes, broodmothers,” the Arishok grunts and it carries. What’s a broodmother? It does not sound good at all. “I was gratified that my warning of the dangers women faced in the Blight was heeded by the Arigena when I returned.”

From his perch, Bull can’t see Leliana’s smile, but it shows in her voice. “Good! I am more glad than I can say to hear that. May I ask what brings you to Skyhold, Arishok?”

“The former Ariqun was a wasteful man. A fully-manned dreadnought, full of my antaam, an alliance for the moment against a threat that will eventually affect all of Thedas, including those under the Qun, and a loyal if unconventional asset sacrificed to satisfy a demand of the Qun that could have been assessed properly another way, at another time.” Bull wonders if this is a dream. He’s not used to remembering the strange ones--a side effect of the re-education is his best guess, but he’s no tamassran--just the ones that look like memories, but he’s heard the Chargers explain the concept to Rocky plenty of times. If he’s going to want anything enough to dream of it when it _cannot_ happen, it’s this.

“Many leaders are wasteful. Some would say your predecessor was,” Leliana says, and Bull winces at what that says about his own mind. He is further gone than he thought if this is the shit he comes up with at night.

The Arishok merely inclines his head. “He should never have stayed there so long.” It’s not the outright condemnation of the former Arishok that had happened at Kont-aar, but it is also not a defense. Bull had heard that the Arishok had confronted the former Arishok as a mere Karasaad, but he’d dismissed it as mere rumor. “The Arigena and I agreed it was time for the former Ariqun to step down. A new Ariqun has been chosen, a former Tallis of your acquaintance, and we come to offer a temporary alliance again.”

“Ah. And I suppose you were chosen and not Tall--no, I’m sorry, she would be Ariqun now, wouldn’t she--because I actually like you?” Leliana sounds disdainful at the idea. Nevermind that the Inquisitor would have the final say, everyone knows how much power Leliana wields whether she shows it or not.

Bull can practically hear the Arishok’s answering eyebrow lift. The man is famous for it. “I volunteered. Even Alistair has visited me, and yet I must have my spies pass notes to you like something shameful.”

What does King Alistair have to do with anything? Bull had known the man had been adventuring where he shouldn’t have some years ago, but a visit to the Arishok as though they were friends? “Oh, you big, old softie, you should have said! I would have visited, intentionally even. Dear Alistair,” Leliana says, cooing. Bull wonders if pinching himself will wake him up.

It does not. “Parshaara, woman, I am not ‘soft’.” The Arishok treats the word ‘soft’ like Dorian does ‘subtlety’ and Solas does ‘tea’. “Shall we have a proper argument over bits of paper that you humans like so much or shall I leave you to your pride?” There’s nothing but silence for a long time.

Josephine looks about ready to murder Leliana when Leliana laughs, sudden and delighted. “Ah, my old friend, you are indeed very ‘soft’, but that is no bad thing. My scouts reported your direction some time ago, come, come, the cookies should be ready by now.” Leliana lays a hand on the Arishok’s arm and they walk through the gates like old friends.

There’d been reports during the Fifth Blight of a hornless Tal-Vashoth accompanying the Hero of Ferelden, but Bull remembers that most of the Beresaad at the time had been hornless, an affectation of the Arishok, to present a united front to the humans. What if… what if it hadn’t been a Tal-Vashoth in the Blight Companions? What if it had been a Sten, who’d returned and rose to power?

A great many things makes sense now, and Bull realizes with a sinking feeling that he’s probably not dreaming after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I just... really love Sten and Leliana's friendship. They just tease each other all the time and it's cute. Also, I really do think it's rather bonkers that the Ariqun would be willing to sacrifice so much on proving one spy's loyalties no matter how well placed and important when Qunari are supposedly so efficient that they never developed cookie recipes. Tallis at least understands the importance of not wasting your people.
> 
> And in case you didn't know, Ogres are born from broodmothers made from Qunari. There was a colony of Kossith lost to darkspawn in the Korcari Wilds and thus came Ogres. Leliana is merely commenting on the fact that ogres are rare because very few Qunari women become broodmothers.
> 
> [These](https://www.foodnetwork.ca/recipe/empire-cookies/12388/) are the cookies Leliana sent Sten/Arishok. I headcanon them as being an Orlesian favorite, so Leliana loves them but Sten never got to try them because Ferelden and their hatred of all things Orlesian.


End file.
